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I made a public Twitter (@jtkeys_pub), but I am not posting on it enough to keep my mom happy, to nobody's surprise. I feel like I should try to connect with her more; she is old, and I may regret the chances I let pass by. But I am also very tired. I told her that when I visit in August I would like to clean out the enormous pile of my childhood stuff that she's had covered in blankets for approximately 20 years now, and she's wringing her hands about it. "It's my fault, because I'm a messy person!" she says. "If I were a less messy person, you could do all kinds of fun things instead!" I don't have the energy to counter this, except to say it's something I want to do. That stuff is mine, so whether she's messy or not it would be packed away somewhere; and I have said so, but she just keeps repeating about how terrible she is for being "messy." I don't even want to do All Kinds of Fun Things in Milwaukee; I'd rather work on the house a bit and go to a few parks we like and visit the fair and eat frozen custard. But she can't or won't believe me, and I'm starting to feel like I have reached the limit of my responsibility to try.
I don't know how well she's doing with her kitchen cleanup. She talks about how many cabinets she's gone through, and how many things she's gotten rid of, but when she says she "got rid of" something she means she intends to sell it at the rummage sale that is unlikely to ever happen. Also, she commented that the kitchen table is now full of stuff again, even though she spent days (literally, multiple days) cleaning it off when this all started. I should stop being invested in whether she succeeds, but it's hard.
Meanwhile I'm kind of clinging to keeping up with my own cleaning and chores as proof that I am not a complete failure. I have changed! It's not impossible! I started cleaning over a year ago, and I didn't let it get messy again, which is the most housekeeping success I've had in my entire life. But that also leaves me very anxious about it, and sometimes upset when Ken is not quite as assiduously reformed.
I don't know how well she's doing with her kitchen cleanup. She talks about how many cabinets she's gone through, and how many things she's gotten rid of, but when she says she "got rid of" something she means she intends to sell it at the rummage sale that is unlikely to ever happen. Also, she commented that the kitchen table is now full of stuff again, even though she spent days (literally, multiple days) cleaning it off when this all started. I should stop being invested in whether she succeeds, but it's hard.
Meanwhile I'm kind of clinging to keeping up with my own cleaning and chores as proof that I am not a complete failure. I have changed! It's not impossible! I started cleaning over a year ago, and I didn't let it get messy again, which is the most housekeeping success I've had in my entire life. But that also leaves me very anxious about it, and sometimes upset when Ken is not quite as assiduously reformed.